A day at OASI

I would like to thank you all for the warm welcome you gave me. Some of you I knew, the rest of you I came to know. Again, thanks for the opportunity for letting me know you, and for teaching me more about myself. I wanted to share with you some of the reflections I had during my stay with you, and I believe you will relate - after all we are mirrors of each other.


I always searched for something, without knowing what I was searching for. Many people are lost in this fruitless search, and if you get intimate with them you will know that they are suffering. They are in need of something outside of themselves that only full fills them for a brief time, than they have to start searching for something else. Hence while on this constant search they loose the vision of what's in their grasp - the present moment! They believe that when they will obtain the object of their desire they will be happy. They are constantly looking to the future for that happiness. Meanwhile they are filled with anxiety, cause that's what looking for salvation in the future brings. That same feeling of anxiety brings up the pain of the past.


So...at OASI we start the day with a very special reading - "Look to this day for it is Life, the very Life of Life!"


At the start and end of your day spend a moment with yourselves and inventory the things you have: family, fellows, a recovery program that brings hope, etc...


Thank GOD for all these things and thank Him/Her for the things that you don't, because that means that; we don't need them and most probably if we had them we will end up misusing them.


How many times I have asked myself: "WHO am I?" WOW, what a question! Until last Monday before I came in OASI, I was still asking myself this question. When I was coming in, and inner voice told me: "WHAT am I?" And this question brought a sense of relief and I will tell you why.


During the groups we are asked to say how are we feeling and that is always a hassle right? Or we just say the first feeling that comes to mind :) That's because we are still asking "Who am I?" That question indirectly tells us that I am "one" thing, and that makes it more difficult to identify just "one" thing. Besides that, this same question takes us to identify with our Past, and our Past till we come to accept it will be a source of pain (Step 4 & 5).


"What am I?" - For me this question brought an end to continuous questioning, because I am allot of things. I am and Addict, I am human, I am Soul, I am a constant changing flow of emotions, I am a source of memories, and allot of other things. Feelings: I am Love, I am Care, I am Peace...


Something else is, Self-Acceptance. How many times we asked ourselves: "What is the purpose of this Life, of my Life?" That brought us to be withdrawn, and finally ended up wanting to kill ourselves; some of us with extreme measures, others just by putting poison into our bodies daily, slowly killing ourselves. That only brought us to hate ourselves even more. Working the Steps and praying to a loving and caring GOD, get us to accept ourselves.


The answer is simple, so simple that our mind can't comprehend. What purpose has a flower, a bee or a bird? Surely they don't ask this question to themselves. They just BE. Flowers would just die if there weren't bees, and bees would die without flowers. And how monotonous would the outdoors be without the singing of the birds!


These creatures need each other, as We need each other. The purpose of Life is to Live! To be ourselves! Is to taste Life in Her multitude shapes and tastes.


We tried drugs, they surely didn't work, our track record clearly states that.


What remains is to try this new way of Life!


We surely don't lack in Courage. Just think about the amount of Courage it took us to live and survive in the streets - there was ALLOT!!!


Today we pray to GOD to help us find again that same Courage blessed with His/Her Love to carry out His/Her will.


The more deep the well of desolation and despair that we dug for ourselves during our drug using days, the more we have to fill in our Recovery. The deeper the well, the more water (Life) it can contain.


Finally...thanks to the Steps we end up forgiving ourselves, and our Past will become our greatest of teachers! We don't have to do the same mistakes again.


Always we have to live the program with Honesty, Open-mindedness and Willingness!


We are ONE, and the Same :)